There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are the jesus of drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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