Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
