Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
