Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
