WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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