So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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