this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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