just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
