I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
