Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
