what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
