So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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