carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
