He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
