You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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