I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
