im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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