Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
