Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize