I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize