fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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