Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
