Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
