Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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