As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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