he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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