I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
