I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
