From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
