i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
