I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
