dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
