Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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