Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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