I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
