i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is wine microwaveable?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize