Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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