No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
