this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
