I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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