me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
