I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
