i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
