I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
