he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
