I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she looked like the before picture.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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