She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
