Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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