she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dear god my vagina.
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