Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
