The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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