Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
