i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
