If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize