My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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