if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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