so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
