So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
