There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
