Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
