the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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