so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
