Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
