I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize