This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
