just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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