Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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