i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
