You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
