You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
