And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
